I have been rummaging through the statistics for my blog today. When I was new to this blogging lark, I did it obsessively. Nowadays I just take an occasional look at the search engine terms which have brought new visitors to my blog.
One of the strings typed into Google that immediately jumped out at me was:
How to get rid of large deep bumps in pubic area
Before you go frantically looking, I can assure you there is no relevant advice whatsoever on my blog. I am at a loss to explain why on earth Google thought the owner of this distressing pubic phenomenon would get help from this Sicilian Housewife.
I also wonder exactly what kind of Sicilian Housewife google thinks I am, since the following phrase also brought a new visitor to my site:
italian housewives cleveges
Upon checking this phrase for myself, I discovered it turns up my article on Sicilian builders and their bottoms, with the following image:
Though I cannot speak with the authority of a randy man with a fetish for Italian housewives, I seriously doubt that the Internet surfer in question found this image satisfying. Indeed, I wonder if this poor horny fool ever found any cleavages, since he doesn’t know how to spell them? He may have been the same desperado who went on to search using the phrases
Sex between plumber and homemaker
and
Women in Sicily with big tits
And I imagine his desperation mounted by the second as he realised he just kept finding his way to my blog over and over again, and all it has on it is heartless mockery of women who care about washing their linens whiter, and ironic explanations of why you should never clean snotty dog nose-prints off your patio doors.
Was he the same desperate and rather kinky fellow who typed:
Bimbo feet smelly
… and if so, which of my blog posts did that take him to?
Moving from the smutty to the ridiculous, a few other searches that reached my site were these:
i am a surgical tech can i still scrub in if i have stitches in my hand
Which native American tribe had a pug nose as a strong feature
Discipline itch collar priest food bowl
Why Sicilians don’t look black
a vivaldi is when you are stuck in the queue of a call center and they play four seasons, only to be answered when you finally reach autumn
Village housewife armpit images
Slim women dangling tits
And finally:
Housewife like to work naked at home
They made a TV show about “desperate housewives”; I never knew till now that, actually, the world is packed with men desperate for housewives!
So, do you write a blog? What’s the freakiest search term that has ever brought a visitor to your blog?
The Dangerously Truthful Diary of a Sicilian Housewife 
I would say the funniest one I got was “up skirt shots” because I actually do have a picture on my blog where I accidentally got an up skirt shot while I was trying to take a picture of the Eiffel Tower. You can’t really see anything of her or tell who she is so I did post the picture. Just goes to show that the real purpose of the internet is porn!
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Made me laugh out loud, as usual! You never disappoint!
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hahaha! i’d never looked there before today…but what a fabulous source for writing prompts and general weirdity. so, the 12 degrees and skiving site was sensible – boring – but ali in italia search terms included ‘chariot toilet’, ‘girl on a bidet hd’ [i presume hd is high definition], ‘a baday’ [did they mean a bad day, or bidet?] and ’10kg of nutella’, after which someone would be having a baday, either way.
and then the kittykatmandoo blog was rather ordinary until i got to ‘bucket of fire’, ‘7things to do for wait’ [were they bored or heavy? not sure] and ‘clamping cinque terre’. intriguing.
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‘Mother with dog amateur’ ??? Your guess is as good as mine! 🙂
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Oh my goodness, those are too good! And more than slightly awkward… 😉
I really haven’t gotten a whole lot of crazy search terms for my site, but there have been some interesting ones over time. One that I got recently was: ” i don’t have many interesting things to say ” which is both funny and insulting. Another one that comes up often, actually, is: “moose inside ll bean store.” “Banana in beef stew” made me laugh, and finally, “i hate cyclists” is one of my personal favorites. 😀
Thanks for sharing!
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Found on freshly pressed but all other options seem amusing to me 😀
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I don’t blog myself, but I found your blog while googling Sicily in general after having been there just one day while on a Med tour. Delighted with my find, too. I follow only two blogs on a regular basis and yours is one of them. I searched back to read all your earlier entries since I arrived late for the party.
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I found you via another very good blog about Italy. Something about a man with a dog called Gilda, to be precise. My favourite search term pops up practically every day: “parasites in boobs”. A hoax went round the net about parasites that chomp their way through our maternal mammaries : charming. And Google kindly comes up with my article “Nesting and migration in the lesser spotted boob” to reassure them…..
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How did I find thee…Let me count the ways. Actually, I really didn’t remember until today when I read your piece on the long in coming demise of the Alfa Romeo (Che Dio si benedica). The fly swatting fat lady reminded me of something I read Norman Douglas’s “Old Calabria”. Anyway I think that I was surfing the Web looking for what might lead me to stuff on everyday life in Sicily and lo and behold I found your blog. Your observations and insights are as good as anything I’ve ever read and I’ve read just about everything on Italians no matter what genre including a cartload of ethnographies.
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Thank you for your compliments of my blog!
And I’m glad to hear some people find it because it was actually what they were looking for, instead of being disappointed randy men in search of some titillation online!
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I can only imagine how disappointed the ‘clevage’ guy was!!
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Just found your blog and still laughing. My search on the Italian horn and Molocchio/ evil eye investigations led me to a very informative , and yes humorous article you wrote. I’m still “peeking ” around your place and enjoying my American coffee , as my 200% Italian hubby shared story after story of grandma’s superstitions. He no longer wears his horn and gold ( and who says you can’t change the old dog) chains, but I know where every piece is! He says Gold is security if the economy crashes here in the US. True enough, we will be able to trade for olive oil and the ingredients for me to make bread and pasta (yes, I have mastered that!) OR , does he secretly hold these charms for another reason? Naaaa He loves his pasts too much! My next search through your blog is for posts on keeping the Italian man happy. Ya, I know, food. thanks for your input! I shall print the article on cleaning safety for my husband too! <3…Penelope
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Ha ha! I am glad you enjoyed this blog and that you know how to keep your Pastafarian husband happy!
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Your so sweet to reply! Now keep me laughing!! Yes, we had pasta last night!! ❤
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