Today I was waiting at the traffic lights and a truly gorgeous dark-eyed hunk of a young man stopped half way across the road, bent down to look at me through the windscreen, and gave me a very friendly wave and a dazzling smile. Then off he dashed, his golden-brown biceps clenching in the autumn sunlight and his taut buttocks pumping away in his tight jeans.
Approximately 12 years ago this was a routine experience for me in Italy. It would have been followed up with such enticing enquiries as “Av you got one boyfriend?” and “You wont one ice-cream with me?” and probably romantic compliments like “You av got two very beautifuls blue eyes.”
But nowadays I am a bit saggy-looking and it was baffling. Could it be possible that this Adonis happened to have absolutely atrocious eyesight? And with my large, face-covering trendy sunglasses and artfully dyed hair, am I still able to look like a “person of interest” to someone youthful with life-threateningly severe myopia?
I thought about it till the lights changed then almost had a crash about 100 yards further down the road when I realised who he was.
Oh God!
He was that puny little lego-obsessed kid I used to teach English to, at one of the the local primary schools about six or seven years ago. He was saying hello to me because I used to be his favourite teacher.
I repeat, Oh God.
Three things hit me, and I do mean HIT me.
First, I have been living in Italy for a really, really long time without actually noticing.
Second, I have become undeniably, officially, irrevocably old.
Third, I must absolutely never, ever look lustfully at anyone other than my husband ever again. Like, NEVER.
The Dangerously Truthful Diary of a Sicilian Housewife 
Ha ha ha, oh god, this is too funny! I guess, on the bright side, you know his eyesight is OK! 🙂
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Ah, I hadn’t thought of that very positive upside!
Almost good enough to console me for realising I have become old and need to behave accordingly!
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ha ha ha, very funny.
I don’t feel very old and Mrs Sensible says I still misbehave like a little boy, It is not until I stand in front of the mirror to have a shave that I realise I am getting old. 😦
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I have the same problem. Nowadays I got for extremely hot showers that get the mirror completely steamed up – that way I exit the bathroom feeling perfumed and attractive instead of depressed.
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Mrs Sensible opens the window when I am in the shower, even if it is minus 15 outside, something to do with excessive humidity and probably a bit of cervicale thrown in.
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Enjoyed this.You really know you are old though when they, that is the younger, speak to you slightly louder than is normal and in a really patronising but kindly way with the phrase: Are you alright? One’s shocked grumpy response ‘corse I sodding well am’ is usually enough to confirm to them that you are indeed old.
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Ha haaaa! Thank god I haven’t quite reached that stage yet – though this does bring back memories of the way I treated my Dad. Poor old bloke!
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ha ha, made me laugh at the very start of the day. Thank you!
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Ha ha, love it! I’ve obviously come to Italy far too late in life as, depressingly, I’ve never had a “Av you got one boyfriend?” moment!
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If you ever meet a “mature” divorcee, I have found they can bring all their old tricks out of the bag and try to lot on you!!! They don’t forget. Trust me, sooner or later someone will invite you to “Av one ice-cream” with him.
You’ll just have to take your glasses off while having it, though, as he will most likely be wrinkled and rather thin on top! 😉
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just one icecream? Sounds tight-fisted to me. Run!
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Hilarious! There is no harm in looking, Italians are notoriously good looking, I’m more of a Raul Bova gal rather than Scarmaco one though. I’m from the you’re only as young as you feel camp, don’t think too much about the passing of time as it will make you depressed!! My subtle mother is always reminding me I’m on the wrong side of thirty!!
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I know there’s no harm in looking, really, but I am just glad I had very dark glasses on. If he had seen me admiring his bum, the poor boy would probably have vomited right in the middle of the crossroads.
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And by the way, yes, Raul Bova, nice face, nice bum.
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Oh, he was a Lego guy? Maybe you will have more success with a Playmobil aficionado! 🙂
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I think I should stick with my hubby, the Playdough Boy!
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That was so funny, my tummy hurts. In fact, you have just contributed to the “tighten up MM’s pelvic floor campaign” – thank you! I remember when I got my first “Madame” rather than the Mademoiselle” I had been used to. I was inches from crying – the poor man at the French equivalent of B&Q didn’t know what he’d done wrong. I’ve decided that looking older is purely a problem concerning gravity – the older you get, the more time the bugger has to pull our bits southwards. I suggest we all hang upside down like bats off the beams in the house to counterbalance it. Cheaper than botox, and irrigates the brain.
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Oh snap! The first time I got called Signora instead of Signorina I was devastated, then I found out Italians had decided, since my last visit, that Signorina was not politically correct and didn’t use it on anyone any more. What wonderful news that was!
Meanwhile, I have been pondering on how to counteract the ravages of gravity for some time. Like you, I have noticed all my soft fleshy parts are significantly closer to the floor than they used to be.
The trouble is, if we take to hanging upside down, doesn’t that stop us being simply OLD and make us into OLD BATS?
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Nah. If top models are swallowing tapeworms to get slim, there’s no reason we shouldn’t get famous (and rich) quick. I weigh the same as I did when I was 18, but my shape has shaped… that’s gravity for you!
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Right, you’re on. I’ve just got to dangle upside down for the next 20 years and I should look like a teenager again!
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Same thing dawned on me some time ago
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Ah, but did it dawn on you quite so embarrassingly?
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Look all you like! It’s one of the absolutely unchanging pleasures of getting older!
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It sure is! 🙂
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I think, for all the time you’ve spent in Italy, you’ve not come to understand the male Sicilian mind. He actually WAS checking you out. As stated above, age is how you feel. While it may be true that some of your parts are not at the same altitude you recall them once being, we don’t see that quite the way you do. And you’ve missed the fact that many, if not most, of us, prefer a woman who has had time to find her way.
I’m a just glad you still experience the pleasure of being noticed.
Rock ON.
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Oh I LOVE you! You have absolutely made my day! 🙂
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Exactly, ono. I’ve been waiting for somebody to offer the correct slant on what went on. I too would say that our lovely Sicilian Housewife Blogger was oggled because she’s an attractive woman nevermind her age. The last time I was in Palermo this 60 something got hit on in a bakery of all places…hugs and more hugs…big bear hugs. BTW Italian males on the mainland aren’t any different than their Sicilian brothers.
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Thank you, Rosaria! I am glad to hear I might have a chance of getting ogled at 60! I do agree the mainland Italians are very enthusiastic admirers of females, too. In fact, if anything, I think they might be even more motivated than the Sicilians.
So, tell me, were the bear hugs from someone enticing? Or were the baked goods tastier than the hugger?
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This really made my husband laugh. Both of us sending you hugs. Now read your email!
XO
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There are some minor compensations. Last weekend I was offered a seat on a crowded tube…not for the first time either. Can’t they see I’m exactly the same as I was in my twenties (at least on the inside). Sigh!
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Oh you’ve got it all wrong! Men only EVER offer you a set on the tube if the FANCY you! You go, girl!!!! 🙂
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Good luck on the third thing. I wasn’t aware that it was in our control. At least it’s not in mine 🙂
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I meant it in the same way as those New Year resolutions to give up chocolate, or booze.
You know it is impossible, but it’s the trying that counts!
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Ugh, I’ve recently been going through the same dilemma. They’re just look older earlier and earlier. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!
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