1. You wear an anorak when it is 25 degrees centigrade and you don’t even feel hot.
2. You sometimes give your child an octopus to eat for dinner.
3. Whenever you get in a draught you just KNOW you will have a cervicale the next day. This is an exclusively Italian type of headache caused by draughts, being a woman, and being over thirty. To suffer from cervicale you have to fulfil all three conditions.
4. You park diagonally on zebra crossings, half up the pavement, in front of the police station. If a policeman tells you off, you ask him what’s his problem?
5. Most of your clothes have sequins or diamante on them because it’s so hard to find anything in the shops without them. This problem even seems to afflict the men.
6. You do your supermarket shopping in high heels, a necklace, and of course sequins.
7. You are not remotely surprised when you happen to bump into an acquaintance in the street and he gives you an armful of broccoli from his garden, or possibly a bottle of his own home-made olive oil.
8. You drive with one hand permanently resting on the horn, ready to hoot at all the pedestrians and vehicles which will spring in front of you.
9. You feel guilty about not ironing your husband’s jeans, socks and white vests. (In extreme cases, maybe you do iron them?)
10. When you go back home you find the coffee undrinkable. And you sneer at the olive oil. But the tea is a real treat.