I Married a Pastafarian

I used to think Italians were Catholics but, since living here, I have found out they are devout Pastafarians.

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If I make my Hubby go without eating pasta for an entire 24-hour period, he thinks he will die. He has been brainwashed since early childhood, you see.

Forget vegetables! Italians are told that eating pasta will improve their sporting performance. Of course they want to eat it as much as possible.

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If they need to lose weight, Italian nutritionists prescribe pasta every day for lunch as part of their diet.

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They are told it will make them sexy.

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Pasta advertisements constantly tell mothers that feeding their kids pasta will make them love Mamma more.

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They sell special tiny pasta shapes specifically for small babies, since it’s the very first thing Italian tots are given when weaned off their mother’s milk.

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They even give it to their dogs. I was somewhat staggered the first time I went shopping in Sicily to find, after two large aisles of pasta, to find a third one, of pasta for dogs. The dog pasta comes in bags the size of pillowcases.

This is how Italians make sure man’s best friend is as constipated as man is.

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My father found Hubby’s pasta passion a source of great entertainment and once offered him a “present”, which turned out to be this:

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“You see, I too grew up on pasta,” ย I reassured Hubby.

Not only did it enable me to follow the Mediterranean diet, I explained, you can also do this with it:

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Italians would onlyย buy pasta that has already been cooked, and has sauce on it, to give to their dogs.

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The dogs in Italy do indeed eat pasta every day.

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Hubby used to lovingly warm up the leftover pasta for his dog, taste it carefully and sometimes add a pinch of salt or a sprig of basil if he felt it needed more seasoning.

When I once asked him why he makes all that effort to heat up food for a dog. He glared at me, truly shocked.

“Would you eat pasta cold out of the fridge?” he asked me.

I was too embarrassed to admit that yes, yes I would.

Of course, Italians don’t just eat pasta. They make things out of it, too. Although this particular motorbike was not actually made by an Italian…. (go and see other models made by the same man here http://www.incrediblethings.com/art-design/pasta-creations-mini-models-made-with-noodles/)

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They do actually have a festival in Sicily where the whole town makes things out of pasta, all together, for 3 months solid:

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So far, the one thing I’ve never seen them doing, though, is wearing it. I suspect the temptation to eat themselves naked might be too much for them.

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25 thoughts on “I Married a Pastafarian

  1. Have you seen this article about a pastafarian who fought successfully for the right to be pictured in his passport wearing a colander on his head (a bit like the kid in your post)? Perhaps you are not a true pastafarian unless you worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster? http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/26/texas-pastafarian-license-photo_n_3816839.html
    Here’s a suggestion for a spaghetti dress with meatball necklace for you to wear when hubby wears the pasta outfit in your post: http://www.delish.com/food/g1934/food-fashion/?slide=2.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I find this article highly offensive to members of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. To call someone who loves pasta a Pastafarian is as ludicrous as calling someone who loves to drink Budweiser a Buddhist.

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      1. I find your comment highly offensive to the Pope of the Sicilian High Church of Ravioli. Everyone knows that the Schism of Colander was nothing more than a breakaway movement and that the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is merely a bunch of heretics.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. I was married to a Palermitano If I didn’t cook pasta that day – he would say “don’t worry I’ll make it myself” he couldn’t be without pasta daily.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I one tried my chances with offering Hubby a jacket potato, and he literalyl said nothing, he just got out the saucepans and calmly cooked himself spaghetti with tomato sauce.
      I considered it official permission to cook him the same meal ever single lunch tmkie thereafter, adn I have indeed serbed him spaghetti with tomato sauce every day since, for a decade.
      Serves him right!
      …..except that he actually seems happy about it!

      Liked by 2 people

  3. So.Freakin.True.๐Ÿ˜–

    One of the biggest changes Iva made in my diet is cutting WAY back on the stuff. Being only half Sicilian, I only had pasta every other day. But along with minimizing my intake of grains – especially refined ones – pasta has all but disappeared.

    All that carb loading at the end of the day . . . I now shudder at the thought!

    Anyone that gives grains to a dog is . . . irresponsible.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah, all the dogs I’ve seen in italy looked pregnant, even the extremely obviously male ones. Plus they never run, they lie flat in the sun looking too tired to even bother licking their you-knows. It’s just not doggy.
      I really need to stop having pasta myself, I am soon gonna end up like the typical Sicilian Nonaa, you know, spherical.

      So what did you replace your pasta with? I have got so Sicilian I cannot even think of anything else to eat for lunch….

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  4. Pasta for dogs? And warmed up?! I cannot believe it! This is so funny. For a moment I thought whether you made this up. Do the dogs really eat it? How do they do this? I imagine the pasta pieces slipping off their mouths all the time, soft as they are. I think of the hard cracker food German dogs are used to get, listen the sound: *crick*crack*cruck*. Omg it must be harmful for the Italian dog’s teeth! They cannot train biting! Is this the reason why there are so many cats in Italy?
    Small observation: The baby’s pasta contains “calcio”. Hmmmmm, the word for calcium and for soccer is the same in Italian? Interesting culture …

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, they use calcio for calcium and for football – they make quiet a lot of jokes based on this double meaning!
      And yes, I think pasta must be bad for dogs in many ways. I’m sure it must be bad for their intestines as well as their teeth – the wild animals they evolved from would eat nothing but meat and so I think it must surely be better for them to stay as close as possible to that diet?
      Although in many cultures people feed animals foods that are bad for them. In England we take our children to feed bread to the wild ducks. They love it (the children and the ducks!) but apparently it is terribly bad for them.

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    1. If you want to go hardcore, you should give them a Sicilian classic which is pasta with potato dressing. You just cut some potato into very small cubes and gently poach it in a mix of water, olive oil and parsely, plus salt and pepper of course.
      My mother’s reaction was: “I think it would be healthier to have an ice-cream sundae for lunch, wouldn’t it?”

      Like

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