Everyone who meets my Sicilian Hubby thinks he’s so wonderful that they keep asking me where they can get one of their own. “Everybody needs one of him,” they say to each other, knowingly.

So here’s a handy Guide to Sicilian Men, covering:

1 – Whether you really want one

2 – How to find a good one

3 – How to keep him in perfect condition.

Remember that I am always Dangerously Truthful, so prepare to hear not just about the good, but also the bad and the ugly.

Do Sicilian men make good boyfriends?

This is asked a lot, but it’s rather a silly question. Do American men make good boyfriends? What about English men? The real question is…

Am I the right kind of person to have a Sicilian boyfriend?

The answer is probably “yes” if you accept that you’re not just dating him, but also in a relationship with his whole extended family. You will be invited to to join dozens of them at Christmas, Easter, birthdays, Ferragosto (that’s an Italian festival in August that’s like Beach Christmas) and feasts for various random saints you’ve not yet heard of.

You also need to accept that Sicilian men don’t do casual dating. Your relationship is exclusive from the moment you start dating him till the moment you officially break up, and throughout that time he is considering you for marriage material. One generation ago, a quick bonk would have led to a shotgun marriage. Two generations ago, you’d have been frogmarched up the aisle just for being spotted holding his hand. Progress has been rapid, but Sicilian men from good families are still brought up to be extremely protective of a woman’s reputation.

Sicilian men – all Sicilians – are not afraid to show affection, whether through words, gestures, or romantic surprises. They don’t know how to bottle things up, so you’ll get all the emotions, all the time. If you like knowing where you stand, this is wonderful. If you admire the strong silent type, Have you considered Germans?

Finally, remember that Sicilians are very open and this comes across as being highly assertive. Whatever they think, they’ll tell you, quite often at the top of their voice. If you’re pretty boisterous and confident, you’ll be fine. If you’re timid, a Sicilian boyfriend may not be ideal for you.

Bear in mind that there’s a big difference between being assertive and being controlling. Good Sicilian men will tell you forcefully what they think and then be fine about it if you disagree equally forcefully. If they think you’re supposed to obey them, or something ridiculous like that, run a mile.

How can you figure out quickly if you’ve found a good Sicilian boyfriend or a bad one?

Signs he’s a keeper:

• He takes you home to meet his mother – and probably several auties and a nosey neighbour or three – before heading out on your first date, or at least the second. This means he’s told his mum about you, thinks you’re exciting and also wants to reassure you he’s from a decent family.
• His dates consist of taking you to restaurants, to the beach, for a walk and an ice cream, or to see a local beauty spot.
• You can’t walk down the road in his home area without being constantly greeted by friends and acquaintances who all treat you like a celebrity.
• He likes cooking for you and thinking up special treats to make you happy. This might include giving you a tray of sea urchins to eat, but it’s the intention behind it that matters.
• He starts inviting you to family gatherings as soon as you’re dating.
• He wants to pay for EVERYTHING until you start insisting on sharing.

Signs you should dump him:

• You’ve been on 3 dates and still not met his parents. This means he’s married.
• He says anything negative about his mother. What he says about her represents what he thinks about ALL women.
• He takes you to a bar or some other place that sells alcohol. He thinks you’re a woman of ill repute with no reputation to protect. Trust me, booze without food is ALWAYS a bad sign among Sicilians, in any context.
• He doesn’t seem to know anyone when you go walking about. Sicilians are always out of the house and all know everyone in their local area, so this means he’s carefully taking you to places where he won’t be seen by anyone who will report him to his wife.
• He can’t cook. This means he’s a male chauvinist and – even more dangerous – so is his mother.
• He expects you to go halves on dates, even before you’re in a committed relationship. The Italian phrase for this is kind of person is “morto di fame” which literally translates as “died of hunger”. It doesn’t mean a poor person, it means a stingy person who scrounges off others even when he has money, who haggles over prices even when it’s undignified and who looks for women who will pay to go on dates with him, just because he can. Don’t play along (at least not until the gender pay-gap narrows down to zero).
• His mother thinks you’re not good enough for him. You are NEVER going to win this contest so walk away without looking back, and say a little prayer thanking God for your narow escape from a family of semi-lunatics. Just remember to send him a message of congratulations (or commiserations) when you find out later that he’s been forced into a semi-arranged marriage to some cousin of his who’s built like a mattress.

Are Sicilian men faithful?

Have you seen these ceramic heads in Sicily? Tradition has it that the very first one was made by a Sicilian woman, who cut her fiancé’s head off and used it as a flower pot because she found out he had another woman.

Sicilian men are told this tale as children. I’m not saying every single one of them is faithful, but in general they do take to heart whatever Mamma tells them.

How do Sicilian men express their feelings?

Sicilians use food and shared meals as a way to connect, seeing it as an important part of building relationships. I gained about 20 pounds between meeting my husband and marrying him.

What are Sicilian men like in relationships?

I was told by a psychologist once that our mother teaches us how to love other people. The cliché about Sicilian men worshipping their Mamma is true, and this is the same energy and devotion they bring to relationships with their significant other. There’s loyalty and devotion, as family values play a crucial role in their lives.

Sicilian men tend to be warm, affectionate, and deeply committed to their partners. Just make sure you don’t get one who’s a male chauvinist or too insecure, as this will spill over into possessiveness which can be pretty mind-boggling.

Sicilian men are often characterised by their passionate and expressive nature. I’ve never met a Sicilian man who wasn’t talkative – or as my sister says, shoutative. And I don’t need to tell you about the hand waving, do I?

Many Sicilian men are known for their strong personalities, which can make for dynamic and engaging relationships. They’re not wallflowers, so you won’t find one with wishy-washy opinions. If you have a diffferent opinion, you’re going to have to assert yourself confidently. Or alternatively, my personal tactic is to do it while he’s not looking and then tell him afterwards.

Do Sicilian men like to cook?

Cooking together with family and friends is a core part of Sicilian culture, and most Sicilian men enjoy preparing traditional Sicilian dishes. Sharing a meal can be an expression of love and hospitality, so be prepared to enjoy delicious homemade food!

Many Sicilian men love discussing recipes and sharing ideas and cooking techniques. They like feeding people samples of their cooking. I’m trying to think of any Sicilian men I know who can’t cook. There must be a few, but they’re so hard to find. They often cook the really fancy meals when guests come, while their wife makes more basic dishes that feed the family on a daily basis.

Just try and get used to the fact there will be vast numbers of Sicilians all crushed into the one kitchen, cooking together quite happily in chaos. If you’re like me you will want to hide under the table. The first time Hubby came to my mother’s house and started cooking, she commented “I don’t understand how he’s filling up the whole kitchen all by himself. There’s only one of him and I can’t even get in there to make a cup of tea!”

Are Sicilian men romantic?

Yes, most Sicilian men are pretty brilliant at being romantic. I’m possibly biased as this is where Hubby took me for our first kiss:

And this is where he proposed:

Sicilian men grow up with good examples around them, plus a sense that they have a national reputation to maintain. Their passionate nature typically translates into affectionate gestures, thoughtful surprises, and a genuine interest in making their partners feel cherished. From candlelit dinners to spontaneous outings, they often go out of their way to create memorable experiences that highlight their deep feelings. Hubby buys me jewellery, beautiful clothes and – most importantly – regularly says things that made me feel important and valued.

I remember tying to explain to my husband and several other Sicilian men what “date night” means in the context of relationships. With Sicilian men, every night is date night. They couldn’t understand how you can be dating a girl but sometimes go out without her. “Why would anyone want to do that?” they asked me. They couldn’t understand how you can be with your girlfriend but somehow not make her feel romantic and special enough for it to count as a date.

Are Sicilian men possessive?

If you find yourself with a really possessive Sicilian boyfriend, I would get away sooner rather than later. It’s a sign they’re inseure and deeply sexist, seeing you as more of a possesssion than a partner. It can also be a sign of mental disorders. You can’t live in Italy very long without hearing on the news about another young girl who’s been murdered by her ex boyfriend, who couldn’t accept she had split up with him and was no longer under his control.

These are exceptions: they’re not a cultural norm that women are expected to accept, so don’t believe anyone who tells you otherwise.

How to keep your Sicilian husband happy

Assuming you have gone ahead and got a Sicilian of your own, how do you keep him happy and in peak condition? Here’s another handy list:

• You don’t criticise his mother, even if she’s being awful. Trust me, he knows it better than you do. Pointing it out will just hurt him more.
• Show him love through public displays of affection. All the time. And especially if he’s getting annoying – that’s when he needs it most.
• Make him feel important to you. We all need that, after all.
• Either keep him in Sicily or make sure he gets back there as often as possible. The sunshine, beaches and food will restore him to peak condition.
• Make sure he gets to spend plenty of time with large hordes of people at parties, meals with friends that invade half a restaurant, or any other adventurous activity that means he’s allowed to get excited and shout.

How can I get a Sicilian man of my own?

You’ll have to book a holiday to Sicily. They’re literally everywhere!