The Ten Commandments of Sicilian Driving

1. Thou shalt not double park if thou can find somewhere to triple park instead.

2. Thou shalt not, never, ever stop to let anyone out of a side road in front of thee, unless thou fancy them a lot.

3. Thou shalt always leave rosary beads dangling distractingly off thine rear view mirror to ensure divine protection of all thine passeners. A mini Palermo football shirt may be hung alongside the rosary beads but may not replace them.

rosary beads
There’s no need to look in your rear view mirror, provided these are hanging off it!

4. Thou shalt always put on thine hazard lights if thy should decide to park in the middle of a busy crossroads, on a level crossing, or in any other place which is insanely dangerous; that way all the other folks will think thine car hast broken down. Tee hee!

5. Thou shalt not repair damage to thine bodywork, as the quantity of dents serves as a warning, and a yardstick for other drivers to assess how likely you are to crash into them.

burningcar
Give the driver of this one a REALLY wide berth! N.B. This photo comes from a site with a staggering collection of similar wrecks: click on the photo to go there.

6. If thine headlights don’t work, thou shalt let other drivers know thou art coming by turning thine stereo up really loud. So loud that thine windows vibrate and stray cats piss themselves.

7. Thou shalt always have right of way and priority in all situations if thou drivest a BMW, Porsche, Ferrari or any other really expensive car, since filthy rich motorists all over the world are always more important than everyone else.

8. When thou seest a friend coming the other way, thou shalt stop alongside them for a long chat out of thine car windows, thus blocking all the traffic in both directions till the gigantic tailback causes a crash at the level crossing around the block. Then when thou turnest round the corner, thou shalt moan louder than everyone else about being held up.

9. Thou shalt always park diagonally across the pavement, blocking the exit to the school when thou goest to pick up thine offspring, if some other genius hath not already done so.

10. Thou shalt always have at least one bumper sticker with a picture of Baby Jesus being the light of the world or, alternatively, a photo of Pope Francis and the legend “I heart Pope Francis,” stuck on thine windscreen where the tax disc ought to be displayed.

popemobile
What does the Pope Mobile display in place of a tax disc, I wonder…

N.B. I hope this will be taken in the humourous manner in which it is intended. It is not meant to offend anyone’s religious sensibilities. But if any BMW drivers are offended I don’t care much.

*****

Evil Eye paper cover

18 Comments Add yours

  1. cupitonians says:

    HILARIOUS! I need to move to Italy asap!

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  2. Anonymous says:

    Brilliant article. I’m visiting Sicily for a week’s holiday from this Thursday so I’ll be sure to rent a badly dented Ferrari with built-in crucifix to cover all eventualities!

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  3. You must include “open your door to exit your car” when parked along the roadside, as soon as you observe a vehicle advancing in your lane.

    Padre Pio sticker is a given.

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    1. Oh, you’re absolutely right! I’ll have to compose a New Testament to add these rules in!!! 😉

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  4. iiwsoc says:

    If there are two traffic lanes on the road you create a third lane for yourself to speed things up.

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    1. Oh yes! I particularly like it when they use the hard shoulder of the motorway if they think the other 2 lanes are a bit slow.

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  5. Are you sure you’re not confusing Sicily with France? Many of these points are disturbingly familiar 🙂

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    1. Mais non! They follow the Ten Commandments en France as well? Zut alors!

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  6. frankieandgiuseppe says:

    Please tell me you drive like this too (and have the stickers!).

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    1. I have a sticker ready to go up as soon as the current tax disc expires.
      I did once have a go at driving like this and a Swiss friend, who happened to be visiting, was so horrified that he photographed my car every time I parked and posted it on Facebook.
      I am building up a collection of such photos of my own and planning to make a blog post of them… 🙂

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  7. Sofia says:

    Haha hilarious! I drove when I visited Sicily, for about 20 minutes then I couldn’t take it anymore and declared that someone else (of the other occupants) would have to drive instead. My god, scary! Something funny that happened was that in a small side street, we were behind a police car, and the police car was forming a traffic jam behind all of us because they stopped to admire some pretty women walking on the sidewalk!

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    1. Ha ha!!!! Oh classic.
      My favourite ever Sicilian police photo is this one, though….

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  8. Sofia says:

    Ahaha brilliant photo 🙂

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  9. Hilarious. I think No.7 is my favourite. That one is international. 🙂

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  10. Expat Eye says:

    Fabulous! 6 & 7 are the winners for me! LV drivers don’t stop for chats – they’re guilty of most of the others though 😉

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  11. You’re not a BMW driver, are you? 😛

    When an evil Sicilian mobster jumps you at the lights (and you’re right, they have done), they usually swipe the corner off your car at the same time. Trust me, you smile at them, pretending you feel honoured to have rubbed cars with them.

    Like

  12. vnyx says:

    I wonder if this commandment is international – some of them can be found in my home country too! x,D hilarious and very nice article. You’ve made my day brighter!

    Like

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