The Signs of Maturity

Today I was waiting at the traffic lights and a truly gorgeous dark-eyed hunk of a young man stopped half way across the road, bent down to look at me through the windscreen, and gave me a very friendly wave and a dazzling smile. Then off he dashed, his golden-brown biceps clenching in the autumn sunlight and his taut buttocks pumping away in his tight jeans.

He looked a bit like this:  Italian actor Riccardo Scamarcio
He looked a bit like this: Italian actor Riccardo Scamarcio

Approximately 12 years ago this was a routine experience for me in Italy. It would have been followed up with such enticing enquiries as “Av you got one boyfriend?” and “You wont one ice-cream with me?” and probably romantic compliments like “You av got two very beautifuls blue eyes.”

But nowadays I am a bit saggy-looking and it was baffling. Could it be possible that this Adonis happened to have absolutely atrocious eyesight? And with my large, face-covering trendy sunglasses and artfully dyed hair, am I still able to look like a โ€œperson of interestโ€ to someone youthful with life-threateningly severe myopia?

I thought about it till the lights changed then almost had a crash about 100 yards further down the road when I realised who he was.

Oh God!

He was that puny little lego-obsessed kid I used to teach English to, at one of the the local primary schools about six or seven years ago. He was saying hello to me because I used to be his favourite teacher.

I repeat, Oh God.

Three things hit me, and I do mean HIT me.

First, I have been living in Italy for a really, really long time without actually noticing.

Second, I have become undeniably, officially, irrevocably old.

Third, I must absolutely never, ever look lustfully at anyone other than my husband ever again. Like, NEVER.

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34 thoughts on “The Signs of Maturity

  1. ha ha ha, very funny.
    I don’t feel very old and Mrs Sensible says I still misbehave like a little boy, It is not until I stand in front of the mirror to have a shave that I realise I am getting old. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

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      1. Mrs Sensible opens the window when I am in the shower, even if it is minus 15 outside, something to do with excessive humidity and probably a bit of cervicale thrown in.

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  2. Enjoyed this.You really know you are old though when they, that is the younger, speak to you slightly louder than is normal and in a really patronising but kindly way with the phrase: Are you alright? One’s shocked grumpy response ‘corse I sodding well am’ is usually enough to confirm to them that you are indeed old.

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    1. If you ever meet a “mature” divorcee, I have found they can bring all their old tricks out of the bag and try to lot on you!!! They don’t forget. Trust me, sooner or later someone will invite you to “Av one ice-cream” with him.
      You’ll just have to take your glasses off while having it, though, as he will most likely be wrinkled and rather thin on top! ๐Ÿ˜‰

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  3. Hilarious! There is no harm in looking, Italians are notoriously good looking, I’m more of a Raul Bova gal rather than Scarmaco one though. I’m from the you’re only as young as you feel camp, don’t think too much about the passing of time as it will make you depressed!! My subtle mother is always reminding me I’m on the wrong side of thirty!!

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  4. That was so funny, my tummy hurts. In fact, you have just contributed to the “tighten up MM’s pelvic floor campaign” – thank you! I remember when I got my first “Madame” rather than the Mademoiselle” I had been used to. I was inches from crying – the poor man at the French equivalent of B&Q didn’t know what he’d done wrong. I’ve decided that looking older is purely a problem concerning gravity – the older you get, the more time the bugger has to pull our bits southwards. I suggest we all hang upside down like bats off the beams in the house to counterbalance it. Cheaper than botox, and irrigates the brain.

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    1. Oh snap! The first time I got called Signora instead of Signorina I was devastated, then I found out Italians had decided, since my last visit, that Signorina was not politically correct and didn’t use it on anyone any more. What wonderful news that was!
      Meanwhile, I have been pondering on how to counteract the ravages of gravity for some time. Like you, I have noticed all my soft fleshy parts are significantly closer to the floor than they used to be.
      The trouble is, if we take to hanging upside down, doesn’t that stop us being simply OLD and make us into OLD BATS?

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  5. I think, for all the time you’ve spent in Italy, you’ve not come to understand the male Sicilian mind. He actually WAS checking you out. As stated above, age is how you feel. While it may be true that some of your parts are not at the same altitude you recall them once being, we don’t see that quite the way you do. And you’ve missed the fact that many, if not most, of us, prefer a woman who has had time to find her way.

    I’m a just glad you still experience the pleasure of being noticed.

    Rock ON.

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    1. Exactly, ono. I’ve been waiting for somebody to offer the correct slant on what went on. I too would say that our lovely Sicilian Housewife Blogger was oggled because she’s an attractive woman nevermind her age. The last time I was in Palermo this 60 something got hit on in a bakery of all places…hugs and more hugs…big bear hugs. BTW Italian males on the mainland aren’t any different than their Sicilian brothers.

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      1. Thank you, Rosaria! I am glad to hear I might have a chance of getting ogled at 60! I do agree the mainland Italians are very enthusiastic admirers of females, too. In fact, if anything, I think they might be even more motivated than the Sicilians.

        So, tell me, were the bear hugs from someone enticing? Or were the baked goods tastier than the hugger?

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  6. There are some minor compensations. Last weekend I was offered a seat on a crowded tube…not for the first time either. Can’t they see I’m exactly the same as I was in my twenties (at least on the inside). Sigh!

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